This blog is about the everyday madness of the prison system here in Delaware, and about my thoughts about prison in general. The name “The Gun Line” is pretty much a new twist on a phrase that was used in the movie life, which featured Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence is convicts, it was a pretty funny comedy, but one of the songs that was featured in it had a significant meaningful undertone… “They gave me life, life…”
I remember being incarcerated at the time of a teenager or young adult, doing eight-year sentence for armed robbery at the age of 17. I was house around people doing life and heard the song playing in the background, and I used to wonder how such individuals felt doing so much time – especially hearing such a somber song. I could only remark one comment to myself in my conscious mind: “it couldn’t be me.”
About six years later, I found myself in a predicament, facing a life sentence or the death penalty. Most people feel as though a life sentence is the more lenient action, but at times I beg to differ (this agree).
Back during the times of that somber song, I remember meeting my brother on my fathers side of the family for the first time, or first face-to-face meeting in jail. At one point we were both Houston the same building, on different tiers, even though he had a death sentence.
I remember we used to sit next to each other and talk while we did research at the law library. And one time he talked about his case briefly and the fact that he wants to live until he could die of natural causes… He wanted to live for his mother, his kids, and in a very real sense, for himself. At that point I pray that he would live, not because he was my brother… But because I could see the pain and remorse in his eyes and hear it in his voice. Not all cheaters can be seen or heard, yet, some invisible tears can be felt.
Even though I can understand why he wanted to live, I couldn’t relate, because in my mind, at the time, I would’ve rather faced death in the near future then to live an indefinite, inhumane life. Before any trial, I was given a mental health evaluation, and later on the psychologist who evaluated me stated something similar to: “Mr. Walker seems not to realize the significance of the penalty he is facing.” It was on the hand that I would not sell my soul to spare my life. In other words: “the one who fears death also fears life.”
I remember at one point thinking the prosecutors and public defenders were pretty much on the same side. The first visit I had from the public defender, he practically dismissed my potential innocence, and told me I should work with the prosecution by using the second unknown suspect as a bargaining chip. Then he seemed surprised when I cursed him out.
By the time my trial ended, it seemed as though the defense in many ways butchered my defense, so much so that it took a lot of restraint not to punch out the lead attorney. I knew a guilty verdict was coming. I really knew such was going to come after opening statements. Because the state but one of its best prosecutors against an average public defender.
During the opening statement presentation, it was clear who the better speaker was, and once trial started, it was clear who the best showman was. It’s bad when I (the defendant) new the case was over at the opening bell.
Even though I wanted to get on the stand and speak my mind, which would’ve probably gotten me the death penalty, I didn’t, only because my mother talked me out of it. Had it not been for my mother, I would be on death row.
Not long ago, a year or so, my brother got his wish… He’s no longer on death row and he’s now doing a life sentence.
Sometimes I feel as though a life sentence in the death sentence of its own in many ways, but it’s hard for some people to understand such logic because they can only view death in the light of a person’s physical vital signs diminishing and then flatlining. To the contrary, life and death are more complex than such simplicity.
As they say: “everything happens for a reason.” And defends, I’m glad everything lead up to a life sentence instead of a death sentence, because, had such not occurred, I don’t know how my life would have turned to this point.
I’m currently appealing my conviction, and hope that my appeal gets granted, because in every real sense, I was not given a fair trial.
No matter the outcome of my appeal process, my goal is to get transferred to a prison system outside of this state, because in all actuality, a lot of the personnel here in this prison system fail to accept and respect one underlining the fact of reality within these walls… “The gunline runs both ways!”
LockedInInc. 